President_Calhoun 11 day.agoTwo co-workers are chatting. "Hey, Jim, your vacation's coming up next week! Where are you going?""Cancun. But I'm a little worried." "How come?" "Well, the last two vacations, my wife has ended up pregnant. Last year it was Las Vegas, and she got pregnant. The year before that it was Miami, and sure enough, she got pregnant." "Wow! You'd better take precautions this time!" "I'm planning on it. For starters, I'm taking her with me this year."
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Well not in those words it was more like "Dad this is my new boyfriend Muhammed"
The bad ones make your asshole hurt
Walking
I feel like a kid again
...But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Optimus Crime
He wasn't invited.
so that they would also have to know what it was like to live with an irritating cunt
The New-York Jets
She replied, "That's hilarious! Why on earth would we have chosen you!?"
They leave flowers on its grave
Common sense
Does that make Trump our 2nd black President?
So their husband can scratch it off on at their wedding to see if he won a gas station, hotel, or a convenience store.
"Neighbor" OP:u/paszdahl2 in r/ImGoingToHellForThis
A man had been locked up in prison for 10 years. He finally gets out and only has $10 to his name. He decides that he wants to go to a whorehouse with this money (because the men are separate from women in prison). He gets there and speaks to the lady up front and asks her if there is any whore he can get for $10. She tells him about one that only costs $5, so he gladly accepts, pays the money and heads to the woman's room. He gets in there and they exchange a few words before fucking. The man says out loud, "Man this is the worst sex I've had before in my life, it feels like sandpaper." She replies by telling him that she can fix this for an extra $5. He gives her the cash because he might as well and she heads to the bathroom for a few minutes before coming back out. They start going at it again and he says, "Man this is the best I've ever had, what'd you do in there?" To which she replies, "For an extra $5 I peel off all the scabs."
Because it's wong
Mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one.
It doesn't need cleaning yet.
A tourist.
I hate playing monopoly with my dad
She says, "No, I'll go deaf." He says, "Funny, I always cum in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up." [source](http://www.sickipedia.net/j/Sex%20and%20Shit/Wife/58304)
Racism has many faces.
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
/r/blackfathers
You can hide, but you can't run.
Two Pakistani Families are trying to immigrate to the USA. Trump says sorry, we only have room for one family, so what we're going to do is let both of your families live here for 1 year, and after that year, whoever is the most American can stay, the other has to go back. So a year goes by, and both families are waiting in the hallway of the government building awaiting their meetings. The one dad goes up to the other and says: "I think I have you beat friend, this morning I went to Dunkin' Donuts, I have a favorite baseball team, and I even enrolled my son in football! I don't think you can get more American than that." The other dad just looks at him and goes: "Fuck you paki."
"Here comes the airplane!"
Things didn't really go their way last time someone said "gotta catch 'em all"
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